did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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