i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
