can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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