you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
