So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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