Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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