Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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