just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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