My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
