I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
