Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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