the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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