If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
