I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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