I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
