I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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