Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
