she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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