I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
