mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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