Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
