i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize