Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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