I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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