Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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