so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
