there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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