It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
