i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
