We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
