My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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