I could have mohawked her pubes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
