He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
