i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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