I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize