I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
