Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
