wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
