I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He kissed a someone with a penis
home. puking in laundry basket.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
