Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
