this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
