You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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