arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
