there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize