If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
