That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
