I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize