this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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