Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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