I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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