Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
