just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
