Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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