so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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