Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
