so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
