so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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