trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boobs are out for the taking
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
