Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh god it's open bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
