so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
