you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
