just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
