you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
