I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
