If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
