i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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