Kareoke will never be a sober sport
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
